At your shows, your friends can be a huge source of support or they can create all kinds of chaos...
Last year we took ownership of a halter gelding for a friend who was going through some serious health issues with her husband. He was so sick with cancer that she was gone from their farm all the time to the hospital. They are not young, she is 67 and he is 71. They kept a TON of cattle, 4 horses and all the dogs and cats, pigs and goats a huge farm might have even though they lived on a small 16 acres. She wanted us to show the horse, get him some points in APHA and expose him to the show ring. She would cover all his expenses, we didnt charge her anything, and she was to do all the 'homework' (neck sweat, lights, etc) to keep him ready for halter showing...
It was a disaster.
All went well for a while...we hauled the horse to several large out of state shows where he either won the class (youth geldings was his specialty!) or I came in 2nd and 3rd with him in large amateur classes. In 3 shows he earned his ROM in open, youth and amateur. The judges adored him and our halter friends gave us major 'secrets' to go above and beyond the horses that might beat him...None were dangerous or cruel (special rolling techniques to flatten his crest, etc) and in fact were things he might enjoy. This gelding came to us with horrible manners, he had basically run rough-shod over the woman and we were constantly straightening him out.
After a few months, when we would go pick the horse up (at our expense of tolls and gas) we noticed he was getting hairier and furrier, and that his neck was soggy and he was just generally out of shape. She didnt want to pay us to keep him at our place so after this one show where he didnt place due to how bad he looked, we started wondering if we were fools for trying to help this woman out...We were spending all our time AT the shows trying to make up for his condition and trying to stay competitive with him...we felt like chumps. Our own horses werent getting the time under saddle and it was a huge juggling act to do halter and then have our showmanship patterns down...
Long story cut short: At the huge March show, terrible weather prevailed. The woman decided to come with a friend and "help" out...What a disaster...I handed her the papers BACK to this horse and said so long...She had not only screamed at me about our techniques of showing, but had railed at me that she had done all this for US because my daughter didnt have a halter horse!! WHAAAAT?????? If Caitlin wanted a halter horse, I damn sure can afford to go BUY her a halter horse but she didnt particularly WANT one and after this episode she doesnt care if she ever has one!
In the meantime, a trainer friend had told us this woman had run around to all the halter trainers and asked THEM to take her horse...Sure, they said, we'll take him, but not for free...We had FOOLS written all over us...I am still recovering from this awful example of friendship. We will never do something like this again...
We have our show friends...we see them at shows. We loan them stuff, they braid in a pinch for us, we check their kids at night if they are gone, we are all supportive during ring time...But we worry that a situation like this would arise again and it sure did put a damper on my confidence.
9 comments:
It sucks when you run across a creep who takes advantage of you. But it happens in ALL areas of life, not just the horse world.
Some people just suck.
My closest show friend and I had a discussion on the way home from a show about a girl in the Futurities we had just watched that didn't belong. Or so I thought. She had disrupted the class and ruined the go for several horses in a class where first place took home over 4K. My "friend" called me elitest and that by thinking that the girls should have been excused, I thought I was better than everyone because that girl didn't have money. HUH? I had no idea how much money those people had and I still believe that if you are disruptive, you should LEAVE THE PEN!
However, it was my highlight of a year where my trainer, also a very good friend of mine (I was her first 'real' client when she decided to go out on her own) had to deal with chaos in her barn seemingly 24/7. Name calling and lawsuit threatening and attempted reputation ruining...Is it because horses are owned for the most part by women? Have you worked in offices or been part of a show committee where women ran things and noticed that the same thing tends to happen? What is wrong with us??? I so just want to go and have fun. I love to make friends with people, especially new to the shows people and talk, listen, learn, teach. Do I just not wear my heart on my sleeve? What is with all the shenanigans?
Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one that sees straight...and if I am, am I just looking at myself wrong? Am I the one that sees too much good in everyone? Does everyone hate me and I just don't know it? :-) It's really obvious that a lot of horse people are blind (just go look at FHOTD) so am I? EEK!
Ooh ohh and forgot to say, GREAT PICTURE!!!
Sometimes I think people who do not try to get where they COULD are angry because people like us manage to make showing and winning a real effort...Sure we all LOSE more than we care to, and we also sacrifice a LOT of other things to show and I truly believe the people who DON'T, find our dedication and sacrifice some kind of elistist mentality...Okay so I, for one, take NO vacations, I do not wear name-brand clothes, I use coupons and I cry when no one is looking because I am an IDIOT when it comes to diagonals...I work my saggy ASS off to make my visual presentation in a class, no matter which one, to look as good as possible...My mare Cleo sucks in trail...so at some shows, trail is the first class...Oh yeah, tell me I want 4-8 judges remembering me THAT way...so I skip it and sit/watch the class and fume wishing I could get her past her on-off fear of a strange bridge...That other person? Thinks you are an elitest? Let her ride a class with someone rolling up your horse's ass, making them lift their head, change their speed, even kick out at them...Had my go's ruined more than once by people who had money THAT weekend and while THEY didnt place, neither did I since they bounced off of me more than once or twice...If I didnt know HOW to show, I damn sure wouldnt figure it out at every else's expense...
I also hate this mentality from my non-horse friends; "we dont have the kind of money you do"...HUH? Uh I don't smoke, drink, take vacations, have to buy new clothes every year (oh boy...except show clothes!) and I can do without every new cellphone or electronic toy that gets invented...
We have made our horse showing pay for itself with prize money, year end awards and all that good stuff...
AAAHHHH "elitist" one of my FAVORITE words!!!I was asked to come and watch one of my friends ride at his farm (we both get coached by the same trainer,he is a new to horses beginner but actually a very good rider for his level at this point.)I swap out most of my tune ups w/trainer for my abilities w/flatwork due to not doing alot of jumping anymore as in he doesn't charge ME.When he takes my stallion in the bigger jumping classes I warm up his Jumpers for him and make his Hunters look alot better than he can on the flat.We have after over 6 yrs.of working together got it down when we go to shows.Anyway,I go to my friends farm and watch him STRUGGLE with his horse who totally has his number and he asks me what I think is wrong....I tell him and he says that is exactly what the trainer told him.Then he yells at me "Oh,so you don't think I can ride my own horse either you elitist horse showing bitch!!!" I have to say I was stunned at the outburst and then he says "Let's see you ride him".So...I get on the horse who absolutely knew I DID know what I was doing and had none of the same behaviors.I got off and said to my friend "That will be $45.00 like I would charge anyone else or an apology for how F'N ignorant you just were to me."He said nothing so I got in my car and left thinking I could kiss that friendship goodbye.He did later apologize and take my husband and I out for a lovely dinner.From that day on we have all laughed about that title and the husband has added that as one of his many favorite names for me.It ranks right up there with Horse Show Hag.
The husband and I have both gotten many laughs over the years due to the # of friends and acquaintances who assume we are so wealthy because we have a farm and several horses.
Yeah... and we have a mortgage and both work and I do all the farm/show stuff myself around my work schedule and the husband does the same with his steers.And we do our own HAY!!!!Yep you can just bet I'm going to have Pedro and Raoul hauling,grooming and holding my horses for me at the next show while I roll up in my luxurious Ford Focus.We do take vacations when we can but we don't spend alot on stuff we both think are wasteful like the newest cell phone,MP3 players.We enjoy our horses and that's what we choose to play with and pay for.Our stallion now and his daddy before him helped pay the farm expenses and when we do sell a foal or horse that $$ goes right back into the farm.We will never be rich or wealthy in the $$ sense but we both feel we are far richer by what we have that we truly love and value way more than the $$.
Horseonomics 101:
Since so many non horsey people always assume we horse people are all rich...maybe this is why.
Designer/brand name clothes every year...NO Show clothes...YES
Spa treatments.Mani/pedi hair cut colored and styled every 4-6 weeks...NO Hot bath/soak in Epsom Salts...YES
Eating out 3-4 times a week in restaurants....NO Feed and Hay for horses,steers and goat...YES
Large Plasma Flatscreen TV w/all the extras....NO Who has time to watch TV?
New car,new truck and new trailer every couple years....NO but I can dream for that all Alum.with the Living Quarters and slider can't I?
Overpriced McMansion on 1/4 acre that we can't afford....NO...Farm that we bought and redid from the ground up...YES and land values keep going up!!
Feel free to add some of your own.
WONDERFUL photo!
Sorry that happened to you! I've had my fair share of problems in the horsey world as well...and not just with showing...LOL! So anyway I'm a little soured on helping others as well but I do try my best to help if and whenever possible...just try not to get myself in too deep.
I can remember once that I got cut off really, really bad in a WP class. I mean, my horse's bridle hit the wall and her head got squished so bad her eye had a wall burn on it. At the lope, no less. I had to stop and start over. I was gunning for Hi-Point at the show and was, well, say, pissed.^^ Even tho she apologized to me, I tore her a new one. Soon after I got 14pts anyway, I felt like a complete idiot. I thought, "OMFG, I sound just like those people I can't stand to be around!" I went and apologized my arse off, but I feel bad to this day.
This was before APHA had Novice Am classes. I still feel it is a bit wrong to let the Nov. Ams into the Amatuer classes. How do you feel about that? They get practice and everything. I sooooo wish I could be a Novice Am!
Once a TRAINER no less, ran me into a pipe rail in a class cutting my brand new chaps...I was so mad! She mumbled an apology later but it made my horse also nervous about other horses coming up behind her...Another time at a really WET outdoor show, I was cantering in a HUS saddle class and just completely sprayed another rider with a huge swash of mud...I almost cried I felt so bad...I offered to have her coat dry-cleaned but she refused. Just one of those things...
Someone who isnt ready for a pleasure or rail class, needs to understand that the other people out there are working their asses off to get the points; they are more than welcome at the shows but be ready for them past the schooling and walk/trot classes...
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